You were planning to redecorate the house, go on a family vacation, or, perhaps, even have another baby but your spouse tells you they want to end the marriage?
Finding the courage to divorce with a person you’ve been most intimate with is never easy. But being the one who was left is even more devastating. You may try reasoning, pleading, or even blackmailing to make them stay and give your marriage another try. But if the decision was made, you’ll have nothing but accept the reality and learn to live with that.
How to accept divorce if you feel nothing but pain and regret? How to start your life over? And most importantly, how to shield your children from the same pain you’re going through? Read a detailed guide here in this article.
Have a Moment of Pitying Yourself. Then Let it Go
There’s hardly anything in this life that strikes you as hard as divorce. You may cry, drown your grief in alcohol, complain to your friends about your stupid ex – anything you can only think of. Feeling lost and sorry for yourself is normal as long as it doesn’t become your lifestyle. The least you want is to put a cross on your entire future because someone turned you down.
Give yourself some time to accept what happened and grieve it through. Then, get down to rebuilding your life anew. It may seem impossible at first but you know that time heals. Hold on to this thought and it will get better.
Speak to People Who Overcame their Divorce Pain
Most likely, you’ve met many other people who went through the same pain as you did. Your colleague Ben earned a promotion after his wife (https://www.forbes.com/sites/melissaholzberg/2021/05/03/bill-and-melinda-gates-announce-divorce/?sh=d61d2ce42723) left him alone with two kids. Your best friend Sarah opened her first art gallery after her husband cheated on her many times and left her for his student. Your neighbor Sam traveled the world and started his own business after his spouse left him high and dry. Look for positive examples among those who suffered but got their feet back on the ground. This is your opportunity to find support and understanding, let alone that they may give you working advice or a hand in starting your post-divorce life over.
Realize that Divorce is Rather an Acquisition than Loss
When you’re still in love, it’s understandable why you may dream of your ex coming back and reviving your marriage. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t need you anymore? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved, cherished, and cared for? If you give it a thought, your former partner might have done you more good than harm. Letting go of a marriage takes courage. But this is the only way to let go of what’s broken and start a new healthy relationship with someone who dotes on you.
Stop Sugar-Coating Your Ex’s Life
How to accept divorce if your ex’s social media dazzle with his/her new perfect life while you’re a complete mess?
Being abandoned would make anyone feel the lowest of the low. But it doesn’t mean that you’re any less worthy than a person you were married to. So what if they have a new job and another bright relationship? You never know how much pain, loneliness, and disappointment stand behind a beautiful picture. After all, their failure would never make your life any better. So, stop feeding up your insecurity and start living.
Chase Your Dreams and Aspirations
There’s no better way to accepting divorce and making peace with it than having a real purpose. Marriage routine often makes us give up our dreams. Getting a job abroad? How will we support a relationship in the distance? Running a marathon? Every evening, I have dinner with my spouse and no time for training.
A divorce is a perfect period to dig up all those lost dreams and wishes and make them come true. Send your resumes to international companies. Run your first marathon. You can do anything that you want. Nothing holds you back anymore.
Stop Holding On To the Past
Your spouse might have left you, your in-laws hate you, and your friends don’t return your calls. Then, it’s time to leave the past in the past and embrace the future expecting you right around that corner. Stop crying over your old photos where you were green and in love. Stop “being around” your ex by visiting their favorite spots and places. No more reflexing over what might have happened if… You’ll have new better friendships and relationships. So learn the lessons you must learn and move on. There’s only a moment between the past and the future. This moment is what is called life. Divorce isn’t the reason to waste it.
Be an Example for Your Kids
Whether your kids are 5 or 25 years old, they need to see that their parents can recover and come out of the divorce with decency. “After divorce, my dad turned into a broken something. He was just eating and watching TV. It was painful to watch him withering away with every single day. He lost his former love for life” Do you really want your kids to see you like that? Of course, you don’t! If you need a strong reason to put yourself together after divorce, then “do it for your children” must be it. They need to see there’s a way out, no matter how difficult and painful the situation is. Let your children see you as an example of a strong and powerful person.
Whether you file divorce online or fight in the court, being left out can’t be easy. However, pitying yourself and leaving in the past is the worst you can do. Give yourself some time to process all the regrets and pain you have. Then, make a plan and dive into a new beautiful life holding your head high.